My struggles: An impulsive woman.

"We are completely unaware that nearly every action is dictated by compulsion, with little or no freedom of choice"
- T.I. Rubin M.D




Sometimes the inside does not match the outside;

On the surface I am a happy, fufilled, fun-loving young woman that has a zest for life.
In reality, I live a driven, pain-filled life, It would seem that I freely choose to live this way.

The things that are killing me now,
are things that I so unawarely do to myself.

I act out every decision of my life immediatley and impulsively without consideration of the consequences.

I bear invisable scars that hurt still, just enough, so that I look for "ease of pain" in all of the wrong places.

Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of humankind.

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.

I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of people.
I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.

I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.


This has been my life;
and I have found it worth living.