Tuesday, May 19

Take heart, sweetheart, or I will take it from you.

I am a complete commitment-phobe. I do this thing where I pretend like I am not. I really like to pick guys that are emotionally unavailable because then that way I can blame them for things not working when inside it was me and I knew it and sabotaged it. I really deep deep deep deep down in my black little heart I want someone to reach in and make it warm. But, as soon as you pay attention to me I will hate you.
I am fucked up. Honestly, don’t like me. I will ruin you. I don’t want to. But, I will. It bothers me because I don’t want to be like that.

Tuesday, May 5

Random facts about yours truly.

- I was born in Europe and have never met my real parents. This never used to bother me, but lately I've found myself growing more curious about my roots. I haven't decided if I want to actually meet them though.

- If I could do anything I wanted to do and not have to worry about making a living – it would be travel, write, take photographs, read, meet new people, learn about new things, and get a massage every day.

- I have been to more places than 99% of the people I know. I plan on travelling the world one day and consider myself extremely lucky that I have been able to see so many things.

- I spent my March break at Disney World for 8 consecutive years.

- I have the most ridiculous sleeping pattern. Meaning, I usually never sleep. But then I go through phases and just sleep 24/7. This is probably super healthy.

- I rarely remember my dreams. This has not always been the case.

- I cannot and will not function without a cup of coffee in the morning.

- I never eat breakfast, and I hate just about all breakfast foods. Minus crepes, and waffles. Even pancakes if they're mixed with something good like chocolate chips. If I eat too early my stomach gets super irritated and I feel like crap for the rest of the day.

- I can't eat mint ice cream because it reminds me of toothpaste.

- I hate tomatoes. I mean, I really hate them and I can't understand why on earth anyone eats them.

- I love baking. Usually for other people. I like decorating cupcakes more than eating them.

- I don't take medication for headaches or anything else.

- I have never had a "Beatles phase". There is no "phase". There is just one long continuous obsession. I have listened to the Beatles almost constantly throughout my entire life, with no let-up. Since Brooke and I discovered "Sgt. Pepper" in 5th grade.

- In kindergarten, I recited the lyrics of "American Pie" in their entirety for Show and Tell.

- I'm obsessed with text messages. I text more than any one person should.

- I actually HATE talking on the phone. My conversations never last any more than a minute. Mainly because I just don't care to hear what people have to say. There is only one person in this entire world that I have ever found I enjoy having a telephone conversation with.

- I want to learn how to skateboard. This stems from my obsession with the video game "Skate" and my belief that the tricks I can perform in this game, can be replicated by myself in real life. Christ air anyone?

- I own just about every Disney, Shirley Temple and Mary Kate & Ashley movie ever made. You're jealous.

- It really irritates me when people don't use proper grammar, or spell OBVIOUS words incorrectly. At this age, there is no excuse.

- I have a love/hate relationship with the non-word "irregardless". If someone says it to be funny, then it makes me laugh. If someone says it out of ignorance, then I hate that.

- I literally chase rainbows. I try to photograph them whenever I can. When it rains and gets sunny quickly, then I'm looking for them.

- I love the supernatural. I sometimes visit historic sights with my camera in the hopes of catching something on film.

- Sometimes I randomly break out into song when the mood strikes. This generally creates different responses from people.

- I push people away once they get "too close" to me.

- I like to think I'm a good judge of character. But I have the worst luck with guys. The only serious relationship I have ever had ended terribly and since then I have had the worst issues with trust. I'm still trying to get over it.

- When I was younger, I wanted to join the Peace Corps. I still do.

- I would like to write a novel one day.

- I have an irrational fear of birds, snakes, and insects. Although I'm pretty sure my fear of birds has something to do with being attacked by one as a child. I have a scar above my eye to prove it.

- That said, I have the most bizzare scars and stories to go along with them.

- I have been contemplating giving up meat on moral grounds but am not sure I have the will power to make it happen.

- I have been dancing since I was 3 years old. I recently stopped due to my arthritis, but am hoping to get back into it soon. And yes, I have arthritis. I'm 90 years old.

- I have broken both of my big toes. Both from dance.

- I don’t have stage fright. I have spent more time collectively on stage than anywhere else. You can consider that weird, but it's just normal to me.

- Laughing is one of my favorite things IN THE WORLD. I can almost ALWAYS laugh. Always. It is the way I cope with…everything, really. Even at my most depressive, sad, horrible, angry times, I can laugh or find the funny somewhere. It’s just my nature and I am extremely grateful for it. It’s gotten me through some really tough times

- There is very little about me that is fussy, organized or methodical. I do not have a logical mind. Like, AT ALL. I SUCK at math, mechanical reasoning, etc. because of it. I do not vacuum in an orderly fashion. I have no qualms cutting into the middle of a cake. Cupboard doors can be left open, the dishwasher can get loaded however, as long as it’s loaded. I have no super method for folding towels. My mother said that when I was a child I would walk over to a stack of washcloths, pull one out of the middle, have half of the stack fall over and just walk away. I am the product of very Type A anal parents with an amazing work ethic. I have no idea where the hell I came from, actually.

- I'm obsessed with sushi and could eat it every day.

- I want to get my motorcycle license.

- I want to get my gun license.

- I never drive the speed limit. Ever.

- Family Guy makes me laugh like a hyena. I think it's the funniest show ever.

- I'm a big fan of alphabetizing stuff. I realize that makes me kind of weird.

- I crave a McDonalds Double Quarter Pounder (no cheese) every time I am hung over.

- I honestly believe that men and women can be friends without agendas. 90% of my friends are of the male gender, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I just find they're so much easier to get along with. Girls are fucked.

- The more you persuade me to do something; the more I will not do it. If you’re stubborn, I can be ten times more stubborn than you are.

- I forged dozens upon dozens of fake notes in highschool. Especially in my last semester of grade 12. School was simply not fun for me, so I never went.